I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize