it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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