Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
