Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
She announced her abortion via fbk
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
