2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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