nutella sex= disaster
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
