Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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