when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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