yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
