Small penises have feelings too.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
