Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
sex in a hospital.. check
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize