I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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