just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
