Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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