You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
im holly from the hills drunk
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
