my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
