I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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