the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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