my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
