wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
