Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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