I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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