PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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