She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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