She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
