So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
