Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
