I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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