So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
