hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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