he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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