im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize