i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
foreskin is a definite game changer
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
