Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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