Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
