just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
