At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
