Cold hands, warm shart.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I could have mohawked her pubes.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
