May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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