i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize