I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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