It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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