good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
