you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
