So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
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