she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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