i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
