so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
