Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
