Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
