i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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