i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
