Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
