just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
