9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
