Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
