If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
