I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
