I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
