Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I smell stomach acid.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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