My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
