Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
