Ambien. No doubt about it.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
