i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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