my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
