I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
