White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I didn't notice because vodka
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
