so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
She made me pour olive oil on her.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
